Sian and Wolfgang

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Name: Sian

Child: Wolfgang, 4

Location: Urmston

Expectations of Motherhood: Before deciding to be one: that it would make ‘me’ disappear and that it was therefore a terrible idea.

Later: that it was something I wanted to do, there was no need for me to disappear but that I would constantly be running a gauntlet of interference. That I would have to have a thought-out approach to everything.

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Reality of Motherhood: Lovely. Tiring.

Taking your child home for the first time: I had an easy pregnancy but a very fast, sudden birth with a placental abruption, meaning that there was no water birth, no playlist I spent a weekend making, and a lot more medical intervention and scariness than we had expected.

I still get upset when I think about the circumstances of Wolfy’s birth but then I feel guilty because it could have been much worse. He was fine.

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Still a bit in shock I think, I begged someone to see if we could be discharged the day after he was born and remove the dangling cannula from my bruised paw. I just wanted to get on with his life.

There was a heatwave and he spent most of his first months in a little pink nappy, sleeping on one of our chests or in his crib while the other guarded the numerous open doors and windows through the night.

The best advice: The best: enjoy your baby.

The hardest parts of being a mother: Worry. I was very anxious during his first months but relaxed as he grew more robust and alert.

Also; being the caretaker of everyone’s vested interest in your child. Within hours of announcing your pregnancy you become a hardworking diplomat (who often fails at) making sure everyone feels included and informed.
Parenting often feels like holding up the rickety elements of a complex extended family Atlas-style, and being a separated parent amplifies that feeling.

The best parts of being a mother: Wolfy! I often wonder why I’ve drawn so lucky. He really is a good one. I love exploring the world with him and sharing the things I love with him.

Has becoming a mother changed you? I feel like I live in full colour because of Wolfy. I can’t really explain this, but it’s nice. I feel connected to working parents through history and that’s a feeling of strength.

Hopes for your family: Wolfy is an elective only child so my hopes are for me, him and his dad to carry on working well as a family, even though we don’t live together, and that we will all be able to find room for anyone new who comes into our lives. I hope Wolfy will always feel he can turn to me.

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What advice would you offer to new and expectant mums? Enjoy your baby.

Don’t be afraid to ‘bother someone’ the moment you need advice or a hand.

Additional info: I separated from Wolfy’s dad just after his first birthday. Although I still believe it was the right thing for all of us and we’ve stayed on good terms, it was a horrible time. Then, like now, my lovely boy was my motivation not to let my sadness slow me down. Things are steadily getting better but I wanted to capture this moment of me and him, together in our little house with the next adventures still to come.

 

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